when i was 18 i saw a lady’s head all scarred up floating in front of me and growling like a wolf or dog, and next to me a veiled lady was standing. after a few seconds they dissapeared. a few nights later i kept thinkin that someone is tryin to wake me up and i kept feeling the sensation that someone is touching my shoulder.

when i was 20 i was in my bed, one night i could hear scratching at my door, i checked and it was nother. the next night i hear knocking at my door and i opened it and i again saw nothing. i went to wake my parents up and they said they ehard nothing and it was probibily a dream. but the thing is i didnt fall asleep. on the following night i a child crying. now this really scarred me. i thought my house was haunted and i refused to sleep in my room. i told my family about it and they told me i was probabily dreaming. i thougt i was bein rediculous so i went to sleep in my room the following night and i saw a little boy walk out of the cupboard mirror towards me and he stopped at the side of me and dissapeared.

last year during july it was about 12 noon, it was a warm surrny day and the sky was clear. i looked out of my window and i saw a 7foot “creature” slying across the sky, its was glistning gold, i could clearly see the wings flapping.

now i find myself like im not sure how to explain it, but basically im always imagining things i could be doing and i talk to the people in my imagination and i have noticed a few times that i am actually physically whispering whilst im interacting to these people in my imagination. n people have began to notice it aswell.

during the past 3 weeks i have felt so paranoid and anxious, but the difference is that i am aware that these feeling are unjustified and i have no reson to feel this way.

i dont know what i have, as a child i thought i was psychic btu now in med school i have realised i have a serious problem.

im to ashamed to speak to our teachers about it and i was wondering if there are any psychiatrists who may have a clue to whats wrong with me can help…or if anyone has had any similar experiances…

plz i would really appreciate it if u contacted me on dr_alle@live.co.uk

I was shivering. I badly wanted anyone to come, but I was alone. Parents thought I was just stressed. However, I knew I was not all right. I couldn’t believe the existence of the world. I tried and tried to prove it, but I kept failing.

In the evening, parents came. I acted a nice daughter with a heart filled with disbelief. I couldn’t explain the way I felt to them, because I was doubting their existence.

It took me some three years to get it over. During the time I stalked two people on-line. I still hurts my heart. People would not understand me, but I just wanted to be saved by them.

It feels like anytime I go to a party with my friends or anywhere by myself, everyone seems to be staring at me, or judging me when they do.

I have at sometimes felt that I know everything and that I have some sort of knowledge that no one else can seem to comprehend, but I know that isn’t the case. Even though I know I ‘m wrong, I can’t help to actually feel anything but that I ‘m right.

I can’t feel emotions anymore. Its been forever since I’ve laughed or cried or felt anything but nothing.

My father always told me, ‘everyday 51% of America wakes up trying to figure how to screw the other 49′ This, he meant, over money of course. I ‘ve always known that my dad has had trust issues, and I ‘ve never had them until now.

I ‘ve had some bizarre situations happen to me in my life, not necessarily scarring, but ones where I could have chosen to make an asshole of myself and get what I felt that I wanted, or become the nice guy and have shit rain all over. A bit graphic but there’s no other way for me to put it.

I know that shit happens, but it seems that the shit that happens to me is the smelliest kind you could have to pick up.

But thats besides the point, because in these bizarre situations, I consider the alternative in that what I feel may not be the case. I might be feeling its so complicating, but it may be so simple. Maybe I ‘m jumping to conclusions, too quickly.

Finally, when some people talk to me, its hard for them to reach me. I can see it in there faces to when they try to talk to me sometimes. They try to get a reaction or conversation going, but they see it as the lights are on, but nobody’s home. I ‘ve been called stupid many times when I was younger, although I got into an excellent private school, and going to a great college. Teachers have always told me there’s so much potential in there, but I don’t want to try in fear of being judged.

I ‘ve always been nervous partially because of the fact that I feel like people are always talking behind my back.

I also have dreams of where everyone seems to be against me unless I say the right thing or be able to entertain them.

I feel like I ‘m a paranoid schizophrenic, especially because I have connected with many songs and movies about that problem, without even realizing that they were about schizophrenia.

However, I don’t want to see help about it, because I want to handle it on my own, not take pills to help me.

Just curious if anyone feels that this is a case of schizophrenia.

Mostly what comes to mind right now are the misunderstandings and misJudgements I swim through, and have at times nearly drowned in.

Some people come to the conclusion that Im mentally ill based on life choices, an offensive lifestyle that is labelled inappropriate and wrong.

I became overwhelmed. Delusions and hallucinations were obvious at the age of 17…but i tried all i could, to push them away inside me and keep them to myself.

I did not know how to approach others about what was happening inside me…raised mormon and I felt i must be a nasty-wicked little thing, be doing something terribly wrong to be having this sort of waking nightmare. I was angry and fearful, and at times i still get this way, but i have memories and knowledge and experiences I may look to when I feel i can’t go on, or what’s the point.

Dancing…this is what i love most. My eating habits intrigue most…whether people are curious or discusted is another thing.

I bring up dancing and food….and meds…

Stretching and light yoga practice release tension and improve my mood and state of body incredibly…when walking in thrown in for good measure.

People say I have not given the meds enough time to do their magic.

But I swear my body would have shut down had i gone on with that little amount of circulation, and I love my eye sight…thank you very much. The tightness and increase in blood preasure causes my limbs to feel locked up and my flexibility is strained and forced.

I love to dance and it is what sets me free and such a reason to love life and live…when the health of my physical body is hurting and compromised and set off on a drowsy spinning flop of heaviness and exhustion…when im not up to dancing or my body is unable to, caused by meds i’m so curious to know if there are positive things from meds…how come ?

anyhow, i feel scattered now. And im taking seroquel and clopixol….im close to giving them up…they are scary as any episode ive been through.

Please words of encouragement.

Aftie