Schizophrenia Diaries

My grandma is has Schizophrenia but of course she refuses to think so. She’s had it all her life and latley its gotten so bad, Me and my parents live in the U.S and my grandparents lives in Romania, So we hardly come down there to see her but when we do it’s a living hell, evertime we visit her she talks about how people are trying to harm her that she has camera’s in her home and there’s been times where she’s accused us of trying to harm her. She terrorizes all her neighbors, sometimes in the middle of the night she will run up and down her 12 level apartment bulding yelling and knocking on peoples doors, saying people are out to get her. As you can imagine everyone hates her and its so embarrising to have to walk around town and getting all sorts of crazy looks from people because everyone in town knows about her and I mean EVERYONE.

People give me and my parents looks like, they hate us and why don’t we just put her in the looney bin but it’s not that easy. Because she’s so old and suffering from just being old is hard enough why would you put her in a mental institution? It’s hard cause she’s family and in Romania, no matter how crazy you are, no matter what you do family is family and you kill for your family. So if we were to do that it’s like letting her down and she would probably suffer even more because when your in the looney bin people treat you like shit. I mean they make it sound like they care about you in there but honestly they don’t. It’s hard cause we honestly have absoultly no idea what to do with her.

She makes phone calls to the police station every single day just cussing them out and just yelling like crazy. She yells so much I honestly don’t think ive ever seen her just talk to us in a nice calm voice.It’s gotten so bad that you can’t even hold converstations with her because every other word that comes out of her mouth has to do with how people are after her, that she hears voices at night and see’s people. Sometimes I feel like im the one who has this horrible illness when im around her because when thats all you hear about for years in a sense you feel like your them and that your the one in their shoes and your crazy. She has so many locks on her door it’s scary, it sends chills down your spine just watching her open the door to her own appartment. She has so 5 diffrent locks she evern has chains on her door. and like 3 diffrent keys to open the door. I mean thats basically what she spends all her money on.

My parents will give her money to spend on food clothes etc. but all she spends it on his changing the locks on her door every now and then because she thinks people will try to go in her home and harm her at night. Thats basically her obsession that everyone is out to get her in some way or another. It’s hard when you see all this happening in front of your face and all you can really do is sit there and watch. I mean their is not much you can do you know. We have triend numerous times telling her she has a problem and needs to take her medication but as most people who suffer from this, she thinks she’s just fine and healthy and that we are the crazy ones for not believing her. Thats what goes on in her mind, she thinks everyone but her is crazy.

It’s hurts me and my family so bad to watch this espeacially my dad because it’s his mom and it hurts him so bad watching her and seeing what she’s become. He’s known her when she was healthy and didnt have this problem and when he see’s her now you can tell he just want’s to break down in tears.I think its effected him the most out of everyone.She’s so out casted from society, she has no friends what so ever, she has my grandpa but living with her for so long even he is starting to show schizophrenia symptoms also and who can blam him. I mean I feel so bad for him,because we hardly see her,but poor him he has to live with that yelling an cautious ever single day and night 365 days a year till the day he dies, I mean it literaly drives you insane to.

Living with a schizophrenic is one of the hardest things you can possibly imagine just cause it’s so hard to stand your ground. And you don’t know what to do your so confussed and frustraed and just plain old hate life. It’s so hard cause you want to help them so much but its frustating trying to explain to someone that they have a problem when they don’t think they do. The people in her apartment complex have called the mental instution on her and she’s been put on medication many times but you can’t force someone to take their medication when you live in the U.S and they live all the way in Romania. If we even bring up the question " Did you take your medicine" she starts going off why does that even matter. I mean you know she doesnt Sometimes I wish I could just yell at her and tell her STOP IT JUST STOP!!!

I mean it’s so hard to watch because she’s old and sick she has so many problems already I mean just being and older women is hard enought but on top on that she has schizophrenia. She’s the only person that has me brake down in tears at night nobody can really make me cry except for her.When you hear about schizophrenia people just think it’s just hearing voices but it’s so much more than just that. There’s so much more to it that not even little articles on the internet can tell you. The only way to find out is to either have had this illness or you know someone that has it. If I had to describe Schizophrenia in one word that word would be "PAIN" because thats what it’s cause my grandma and my whole family in general. We still love her to death I mean she would be such an amazing women if she didnt have to go through this. She cares about her family so much and thats what makes decisions like putting her in a mental institution even harder no matter what anyone says, it’s one of the hardest things anyone could do to a family memeber. I guess all me and my family can do is sit back and watch till she ends up passing away.