Schizophrenia Diaries

I am the sister of an individual who suffers from Schizo affective disorder. He was mean to me my whole life, unusually mean, often threatened that he would kill me, pushed me around, beat me, told me I was worthless. He went out of his way to ruin my life, and I never understood why someone would waste their time like that. He always had trouble with relationships and he got expelled for threatening to bomb the school in 9th grade. For years my parents struggled with him being so mean, not understanding why, flunking out of school. It wasn’t until he was about 19 when they finally got him to see a shrink., because he was having so many problems, and showed zero empathy. 

One day he called the police, (he had an obsession with this), and told them someone had robbed a bank and buried the money under his storage unit, so if they dug it up they would be rich. The police took him straight to the psych ward.

He eventually was diagnosed as schizophrenic, with hallucinations and delusions. I wasn’t that surprised. 

He thought my parents were meth addicts. He had a lot of delusions. Some I don’t remember or block out. He would lock up the whole house and go in his room. One time he put a dresser in front of the door so no one could get in. Whenever he did leave his room he was incredibly mean. He would scream into a pillow over and over eratically. He ran around the house making crazy monkey noises and throwing stuff around, usually at me. He would sit outside on the curb flossing his teeth for atleast 30 minutes. He dressed funny. If you asked him a question he would either laugh, say something mean,  or ignore you. He thought someone was out to get him. 

He thought he had transmitters in his head and could communicate with the CIA, and thought he had been assigned government duties. 

When he rode the bus to school he thought the CIA was after him with guns and that he would watch stories on TV about how they tried to kill him.

When he was on the train he thought he could communicate through telepathic code to the conductors about secret weapons they were making.

One time before he was diagnosed he thought that God had pronounced him “The Chosen One” That he was the chosen one on earth by God, and that if everyone just listened to him, they would know what was best. 

After his diagnosis he tried several medications then stuck to a mix that worked. His delusions seemed to stop, and he seemed to become like a nice person that had emotion. 

He stopped the meds and thought he was artificially inseminated and became suicidal. He went to the psych ward again. When they released him after being on a watch, he went home.

He stopped them again last week.  He thought he was supposed to be a singing teacher, one of great grandeur. He thought if he heard anything just once he could sing it, better than anyone. He also left the dentist in the middle of getting his fillings done because he thought they were trying to do something funny to him. He was acting mean again. He tried to get money out of my parents. They wouldn’t give him any, so he got angry. He pushed my Dad and ran his finger across his throat while looking at him. He screamed my mom was a devil worshiper over the phone at her. He was driving recklessly. He left to LA, and left his meds behind. We haven’t heard from him since. We can’t find him. UCLA can’t release information, if that’s even where he is.

- A girl from California.