I feel that I may be schizophrenic, but I ‘m not sure.
It feels like anytime I go to a party with my friends or anywhere by myself, everyone seems to be staring at me, or judging me when they do.
I have at sometimes felt that I know everything and that I have some sort of knowledge that no one else can seem to comprehend, but I know that isn’t the case. Even though I know I ‘m wrong, I can’t help to actually feel anything but that I ‘m right.
I can’t feel emotions anymore. Its been forever since I’ve laughed or cried or felt anything but nothing.
My father always told me, ‘everyday 51% of America wakes up trying to figure how to screw the other 49′ This, he meant, over money of course. I ‘ve always known that my dad has had trust issues, and I ‘ve never had them until now.
I ‘ve had some bizarre situations happen to me in my life, not necessarily scarring, but ones where I could have chosen to make an asshole of myself and get what I felt that I wanted, or become the nice guy and have shit rain all over. A bit graphic but there’s no other way for me to put it.
I know that shit happens, but it seems that the shit that happens to me is the smelliest kind you could have to pick up.
But thats besides the point, because in these bizarre situations, I consider the alternative in that what I feel may not be the case. I might be feeling its so complicating, but it may be so simple. Maybe I ‘m jumping to conclusions, too quickly.
Finally, when some people talk to me, its hard for them to reach me. I can see it in there faces to when they try to talk to me sometimes. They try to get a reaction or conversation going, but they see it as the lights are on, but nobody’s home. I ‘ve been called stupid many times when I was younger, although I got into an excellent private school, and going to a great college. Teachers have always told me there’s so much potential in there, but I don’t want to try in fear of being judged.
I ‘ve always been nervous partially because of the fact that I feel like people are always talking behind my back.
I also have dreams of where everyone seems to be against me unless I say the right thing or be able to entertain them.
I feel like I ‘m a paranoid schizophrenic, especially because I have connected with many songs and movies about that problem, without even realizing that they were about schizophrenia.
However, I don’t want to see help about it, because I want to handle it on my own, not take pills to help me.
Just curious if anyone feels that this is a case of schizophrenia.
