In March 2009 I was diagnosed with Delusional Disorder- a relatively new classification subsumed under the general classification of Paranoid Schizophrenia until the advent of DSMIII-r in 1987.
I am afflicted by delusions and hallucinations. I believe that some kind of a device or power opens up my thoughts to the public so that everyone can know what I’m thinking or feeling. This is particularly problematic in crowds, when everyone is staring at me and whispering about me. Frustratingly, while the crowd all know what I’m thinking, I have no idea what they are thinking or saying.
I hear strange voices, especially in crowds, directing derogatory expletives at me.
I am also bothered by the appearance of shadowy bugs crawling all over my walls. But when I jump after them to squash them they are always gone, or they were never there to begin with.
Bizarre and obnoxious odors plague me often. One smell I can best describe as the stench of an old man’s dirty dentures. Another is like burning rat excrement. Another is a sweet chemical smell.
Some times there is a very frightening sound in my house. When my family is not home I hear what sounds like soldiers marching in the upper story. When I go up to investigate I can never find them.
All of this came upon me gradually from early adulthood. It all escaped diagnosis until I was 52 years old. I had always just thought I was different and strange. I have never liked crowds. I have never had close friends. I crave silence and isolation. I pretty much stay in my home and listen to music, which masks and covers the voices and sounds. I am on Risperidone. citalopram, and bupropion. These medications have helped significantly, but not cured the problem.
