Schizophrenia Diaries

I was oficially diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia when I was hospitalized for the second time in 1982.My mom told me later that she had thought something was wrong when i was in high school but didn’t know what it was.I think it was triggered by a combination of stress and drug use.in 1980 i was two years out of high school and living on my own.I ran into money problems so i moved back in with my parents.I was isolating and my parents knew something was wrong and i so they sent me to see a psychiatric social worker.She tried to help me but I was getting worse. I was hiding how I was really feeling and put on a happy face.I guess that was when I wads getting psychotic.I forget what happend but a meeting was set up for me, my parents, my worker and a psychiatrist.The psychiatrist reccomended i go into a psych ward. my worker had no idea i was this bad off and was almost crying.Anyway I went into a short term psychiatric hospital on an open ward.I got there and thats when i really got bad off.I’ve always found however bad off I was when i got in the hospital I always got worse. I was in agony going crazy.i stayed there two weeks then moved into Soteria house a house for schizophrenics. It’s premise was treatment without medication, just peer counselors. people who were interested in helping the mentally ill but had no formal psychiatric training.i lived there for ayear and a half and went through hell 24/7 the whole time.I basically spent the time trying not to go crazy and lose control and start sceaming and crying.I went through some realy crazy thinking and perceptions.I went through the common problem of noyt being able to filter out my envirement. when i went out for walks i saw everything at once.I was aware of everything.I got kicked out of there and then i was in a locked facility for 8 months. thats when i suffered again for 24/7 there was no relief.I got out of there and they put me in a residential treatment program .It was basically a really
nice two story house in a rich neighborhood in palo alto california.it cost $3000.oo a month and this was in 1983.