Schizophrenia Diaries

firstly i would like to say schizophrenic illness are the sadest trying soul destoying personalitity destroying evil sadistic totally challenging and tests the person who ill and destroys everyone in there everyday life in the family home it takes you way beyond deppression and till u no longer feel human who can no longer understand the basic facts on anything.iam naw at the stage where iam questioningmy own sanity and whats right or wrong i can no longer cope iam over the edge.i know its a medical illness not there fault my boyfreind was born with it it was his genes.just the same as cancer,iwould truthally pick cancer out the 2?he is 49 years old and was sectioned at 15 as he was convinced his mother was trying to kill him through poisoning the cheese as he was obsesed with it and thats all he would eat for long periods of time ,he nevertold any body or wont ed to express any feelings that he thought abnormal he never showed any emotions or saw any in his brothers or sister ,he
came from a large family of 8.10 with mum and dad his dad was a full blown alcoholic with violent moodswings who constantlyplayed about from home, a goodlooking smart womaniserwho carryed on with who ever no respect or consideration for his wife or kids whom he beat upon in drunkon violent beating he mentaly and phsically abused them all on a daily basisa narsty controling monster who gave them nothing but he and his life style had what he wonted.Some days they would have to go down bins another peoples rubbish to eat or had to shoplift due to hunger.to survive they had no clothes that fit them properly nor bought for them my boyfreind who i will call mr x never had a pair of socks on his feet from the day he can remember till he was about 12?WHEN HE FIRST TOLD ME ABOUT HIS UP BRINGING i couldnt relate to there being any truth in any of it as to me thats not normal even though iamaware abuse does happen i couldnt relate to any dad doing that, my wasis wonderful the best in the
worldall ways has been allways will be.i wasvery upset and sad for him and broke down in tears,that must have been awful to grow up like that but mrx when iaskes him why he never ran away or him and his brothers never ganged up on him and made him leave or even told some one like the police or a school teacher he told me it was normal and thought that was like that in every home and that it was ok he never went hungry for longer that 3 days at any one time that was the only issue he kept talking about he couldnt understand why i was so upset by the thought of there suffering and horrible life,he never had xmas presants or clean cloths they had no electric coming in there home which he said was a form of shed there only means of warmth in winter was to burn the remains of so called furniture on a fire when it was all burnt he new there dad beat them all for doing it but he said they were so cold they didnt care at the time,at this stage he said he was about 7 and his mother was never
there and couldnt cope any more and she ran off leaving them all behind,they never went to school or had any friends or any body of there own age to play with everyone avoided the family they were called the mad deprived poor kids who were smelly and strange and not to be trusted around other familys or wonted as the older siblings left home asap one by one they went of on there own way leaving the poor youngest who were mrx and 1 younger brother, mrx went of at 10 and lived on the streets homeless and on his own for 6 years nearly you can imagion the horrific experiences he must of seen gone through and lived daily, i asked him to spare the details as i couldnt listen any more as i was totally and utterly in shock horrified and sickened as a mother myself i cant understand how this happens i felt so sorry for him ,and i was going to love him for ever and ever and create happy loving memories for him and allways be there for him .AS TIME WENT BY THE FIRST 6 MONTH TOGETHERi began
to see odd way s and strange things he would say and he could never have a normal conversation without confusing me to the point id forgot what the question was in the first place never could he give a direct answer, i suppose it due to never having been loved so he was intitlled to be a bit cold or insecure with trusting any one as he didnt know haw.acoupl