Schizophrenia Diaries

I realize that its in my head. It doesn’t matter. I’m still sad and depressed because I know that eventually everyone I know will leave me. Right now, everything I do and say is being recorded. My closest family and friends are ready to report anything I say or do. I have nothing to worry about and yet I am so afraid. I know that this is a lifelong challenge and that it isn’t real. I am still scared. I am scared that one day someone will come and take me away and I will be alone. I pray for help and am comforted. The next day, minute, moment something changes and I am afraid. Will someone say something about me when I walk into that room? Are they talking about me? NO. YES. Oh GOD please help me. I don’t know. It’s not real. I know its not but these ******** thoughts come anyway. I want to end it all and be done with it.