I new something was wrong when the voice I was talking to for about two weeks straight turned on me. At the time I thought I had super powers of some sort and could talk to a girl that I liked without even saying a word. It was strange and I had planed on not telling anyone about these powers I spoke to two girls that came to me as a voice. They told me everything about them selves and I told them things about me. Till one day the voices told me that in order to become a psychic I would have to sell my soul. Of course this spooked me out because i’m a Christian. The voice went from a whisper to loud. Now I stay on the third floor and I heard the voices from downstairs in the yard. They chanted demonic things like sale your soul sale your soul at me and I sat there for hours listening to what I thought was demons. Even to this day I feel there a witch that follows me around waiting for me to sell my soul. Now tell me if this isn’t creepy reader. The voice I hear is the voice of a girl that lives on the first floor. I had a crush on her and the moment I first saw her I said TO MYSEELF and I quote” I would stop taking baths and drinking water to get with that girl” I know it sounds dumb but I said it and laughed to myself. That night is the first night I heard her voice and to this day she narrates every thought I have. I believe God tested me to see if lust would drive me to hell. I’ll be haunted by that voice from now on.
Posts Tagged ‘Delusional’
I was told about a family member of my firends who they had never really stayed in touch with for too long. But one night her mother recieved a disturbing phone call with her Aunt Jessica. She was screaming frantically saying that her daughter Emily was missing, the only problem was she didn’t even have a child. Her Aunt then hung up and that was the last they heard from her until they got a call about two weeks later from a family member explaining that she was found dead at a local highschool. She had apparantly been searching for “her daughter” and somehow got herself into a lot of trouble with the wrong people, she was convinced somebody had kidnapped her daughter. The exact facts on why she was at the highschool or what had happen to her are not clear at the moment, but she had fallen from a hallway set of stairs straight to the bottom of the first floor breaking her neck. They couldn’t tell if it was suicide or homocide. Maybe she thought she was being attacked or something..I really don’t know.
I always had had some type of schizophrenia with me even when I was small. Schizophrenia is something like, I have a teacher she has magic powers. She can follow me around in other people like spiruatlly. She has other grown up freinds that know me and is at my school as students pretending to be (don’t know why they are there). They all know what I am doing when I’m justing thinking etc and they are professionals in different professions like psychologists. But when I was small it can only occur once every 4 years or so and to a period of one week or one hour etc. It was something like oh people can hear my thoughts or I can talk in my head at a buffet becuase they can hear. People are following me around inside other people. These thoughts still persist today.
In middle school I meet a teacher I admired a lot. I liked her and in my head I was LIke saying in my head, related to a star wars book I read, for some reason ” I want to be your apprentice,” I thought I was going crazy then. I also thought other people, students, that teacher and other teachers can also know what was going on with me psychically like I don’t do anything physical or talk but do soemthing in my mind and they know. Like thinking of a fat man jiggling and they would laugh.
Then in high school When I came back to america I felt like that teacher was following me around. Then all the other stuff above happens and I started talking to myself, talking incoherentaly or jumble stuff up, talk randomly. Then I felt like people can scan my brian like a cat scan ,the teacher’s frends and students, because they knew I was going crazy since they were psychologists. I met with a psychiatrist the year after it started to become an episode in high school. But I refused to take medicine I didn’t know anything about schizophrenia then. Then I fought with my mom in january 2007 and the police sent me to a psychiatric hospital for hurting others.
Everything been going on the same for me, but they follow me more or the same, and I interpert messages in church as messages talking about the people in my delusions. like you should ask the right way or Gob ” my teacher” won’t do what you say or accept you etc.
So thats my story!! 
I do well in school 3.0 at least in GPa is a senior going to graduate, It doesn’t take my attention away from learning and schoolwork, only it goes on while I’m at school or with other people also with my mom. but it doesn’t “really(UNKOwn)” distract me. I think. and I will get a job go to college graudate get a job, lead a normal life, and do what others will do in their life.
I will not sit on welfare. not that its bad of course.
name: Sarah Shepherd
email: milk.fur@gmail.com
Schizophrenic stories have always interested me, understanding their mind but have found few stories that actually show you how the mind worked and am hoping for those curious my own story will be of some interest to those who where not looking for just a story about medications and how someone felt but how I saw the world.
+A note I have never used drugs strongly or frequently, tried once did not enjoy, schizophrenia is on both sides of my family+
As a child something was wrong. Being rushed to the midnight doctor by my parents screaming terrified as I could see cracks forming in the roof. This was before I started school and things only increased from there on in.
The monsters under my bed where real, I could see them and feel them and would refuse to go into my bedroom for months at a time.
False memories of an alien coming out of my ceiling light in the lounge room. And the so very sure feeling my dad could read my mind which made me try n avoid being near him for months on end.
I had recurring dreams about the creatures that lived underneath my house and still do to this day. But at about aged 15 I got the crushing blow when I realized a lot of my childhood memories weren\’t even real.
Longer over time I lost all interest in friends, I couldn\’t speak to them anymore just couldn\’t connect and didn\’t feel the need to connect with them anyway. I soon left school and soon knew no one outside my family other than one single person, literally.
Paranoid thoughts worsened and so did hallucinations. I began keeping numerous scattered journals trying to recap everything that happened not understanding any of it. False convictions people could hear my thoughts. A rush of noises at first which turned into voices pounding my head. Catching a strangers eye was the most horrible feeling. It would throw me into a paranoid fit for a whole day even. On the train if I thought about someone I was looking at and they looked back (most likely cause I was probably staring) I would spend the entire day in a utter panic. I would shake I would be so terrified they had heard my thoughts, the feeling someone could just so easily walk into somewhere thats meant to be impossible for anyone else to enter but you, your mind undone by a stranger.
I remembered back to a few times my mother had confronted me and asked \”do you ever hear voices?because if you do you can come to me at any time\” of course I denied. But soon when found out what schizophrenia was from a friend who had it I sought a doctor.
I had been seeing my doctor for a while for depression but had cut back on visits to her for a couple of months and told her \”I think I have schizophrenia\” Of course she did the standard questions \”what makes you think that?\” \”do you think/feel/hear this\” etc.
I denied some things as when I imagined my saying something out loud such as \”yes I think people hear my thoughts\” I realized just how stupid I sounded, how…. crazy.
But I told her other things, the voices, the tall lingering monsters I saw. The everything else….and she stared at me with a look on her face like pure horror. I thought id done something wrong, that she must think of me as a monster she went to get up then she sat back down, thought then looked at me.
\”I want to hospitalize you\” Fear just washed over me at that thought, it would mean my family would know (something I still have not and will not tell them) something I did not want to do, something I was too afraid to do.
I negotiated medication with her and tried risperdal for some time. But the affects of the medication where not working quickly enough and the side effects bad. At college I would have to ring someone to come help me down the stairs at the library as I was so dizzy I could barley stand.
I soon went off the medication and stopped seeing my doctor which was not a good choice for what was going to come.
For some time things would come and go, a good day a bad day, turning into a terrible month an even worse 5 months and so forth.
Things got worse.
Voices became terrifying, like that of a demons sometimes so scared my knees would buckle and I now understood why in movies your screaming at that stupid girl to run from the monster but she just stands there. I understand so well now why on earth she can\’t just run.
Waking to feeling the hot breath of something on your neck, horrible words talking in your mind \”they\’re going to kill you\”.
Images would become stuck in my mind so clear, of arms being cut open and the flesh pulled out and I would feel it happening to my self.
One night I was sitting on my bed alone in the dark, waiting for now my only friend to come online. I had note they\’d gone out for the night with some friends and at the time where living kinda far from my house so seeing them was beginning to be difficult.
I recall feeling like I couldn\’t move and seeing a man dressed as an old surgeon standing above my bed. I didn\’t feel scared but even action he preformed on me felt so real. He took a chisel and put it into one side of my head, still I could not move, nor make a sound nor do anything… took it out I felt it drawn from my crushed bits of skull and done again to the other side, he then left and I could move.
All I could do was cry, the pain was overwhelming but left quickly when he did, why I had more hallucinations than other people I could not work out or why I had it so much as a child which is not as common once again I did not understand.
All I wanted was for it to be gone and for me to be gone. Suicide had been attempted and thankfully never fully worked.
For the next year things eased up a little. Hallucinations became lighter but paranoia become much worse. I could not stand in a kitchen with someone holding a knife assured they where going to harm me I would even at times ready my self with my own knife n ready to attack if they came near me. Something I am glad never turned out as horrible as it could have, so many times I sit here now so thankful nothing happened.
I took a lot of stress out of my life which caused much of the worsening of my symptoms.
But even at all this time I could not quite accept what was wrong with me. I think logically about what had happened n could put it down to schizophrenia, a doctor had confirmed it, I had been on medications for it and it was on both sides of my family. But when my mind played up I saw no logic I saw demons I felt terrified and I could not pass these so real things as just my mind.
So after a few years of lighter symptoms after taking some bad people out of my life, staying out of stress causing places things looked a bit better. I felt better, I met someone great who helped me.
Then I recall that bloody day on the train. We got on and looked for an available seat, the carriage wasn\’t so crowded so we picked one I got the window seat. The first thing I noticed when stepping on the train tho was a man, rocking back n forth quietly muttering and drawing rapidly with his finger on the seat infront of him and the window.
I was utterly amazed, first at how no one in the carriage was even staring at him or saying anything or acting uncomfortable secondly mental illness just fascinated me so we got a seat 2 seats infront of him.
I watched him the whole train trip in the reflection of the window but time to get off realised hed left the carriage without me noticing. Soon going to get on the escalator he got infront of us. I studied him short cut grey hair, clean kept but he had sandles showing his long yellow toenails. I felt like I wanted to cry to hug this utter stranger and tell him things would be ok that I knew too how it felt to have a mind this tortureous. I recall my boyfriend saying \”i love you\” to me on the escalator down and this man infront of me I was studying looked uncomfortable when my boyfriend talked so I told him to shoosh. My boyfriend didnt get it and I got snappy telling him when we had now gone a different way off the escalator to not be so inconsiderate as clearly it was upsetting the man.
Boyfriend: \”what man?\”
Myself: \”the one infront of us! the one on the carriage! you where upsetting him when you talked\”
The conversation went along like that for a while, my temper flared at how he could have not noticed he was right in front of us.
When my boyfriend continued to tell me \”there was no one on that seat where he was meant to be\” \”The man infront of us was a asian man in a suit\”
After a long and bitter argument that lasted days yet another crushing blow to realize it wasn\’t real. Finally I could accept I did have schizophrenia. But accepting it was painful. Months of depression that non of it was real, that I was fooled by my own mind.
How could I trust anything else? What else was not real? who else was not real? The feeling of helplessness as if you did not even own your own mind.
Yet my boyfriend stayed by my side, He was there if I went out in public to help me when I felt every single person was staring at me. He was still there in the morning when I utterly chewed him out in an argument. He was still forgiving her was still there every night I would cry into his chest that I was being told I was going to die. He was there when I couldn\’t cope.
And even the other day he was there when being around people for the first time in years. It took a lot of tries just to get me out of his bedroom and into the lounge room to meet his house mates but he stayed next to me the whole time checked every now n again to make sure I wasn\’t too scared.
I am still not medicated and I would not class this as a success story. I know I will be this way for the rest of my life, but at least having him there has helped me tremendously and will be the thing to help me continue.
It started when I was young. When I was young I would imagine schizophrenia things. Like I would think I was the most important person in the world, television cameras would follow me around, or people would be following me around when I was with my dad travelling, or people could hear my thoughts when I was in a buffet eating, that that caused me to self-importanfy myself a lot and talk to myself in my brain a lot or write diaries that were quite useless In class.
When I reached middle school I was starting a new life in Taiwan with my dad. This was hard because I didn’t know that language that well and everything was in Chinese. I got depression, and started to have delusions about my classmates and my teacher. I would think things like I could think of a jiggly African man and my classmates would laugh, those people are special like me, those teachers are weird they seem special, or my teacher is the best person in the world. She is like qui-gon in star wars and makes it seem like she cares about me imaginary a lot or is really interested in me. When I went to camps in America or school in America as I later realized, It seemed like she was in other people looking or interacting at me.
When I started high school, things were ok the first year. There was only a girl by the name Lisa that I thought was my teacher. The rest of the kids some were just special like they were like Kim possible on the Disney movies or had a secret code since they were special with the teacher. The second year I discovered I was in Lisa’s class like three of them, and I was excited because she seemed like a teacher. Then when I moved out of those classes I only had two. Because in the beginning we were placed into the same groups and the behind each other. I was excitable, but as I switched classes because of math, I discovered I wanted to be with her. So I started to hear voices of her and her new found psychologist kid friend and another Asians very capable friend in another class while I was in my class away from them. This started it all, and before I knew it I was hearing voices, laughing in front of others for no reason, talking to myself at times when was with Lisa and her friends.
My teacher caught this and you guys know the rest of the story.
I went to a psychologist she caught on sent me to a psychiatrist who told me to eat medicine but I refuse since I didn’t believe I have a problem. Later I was having really bad fights with my mother, so once before a meeting with a real psychologist I kicked the window of my mother’s car and it broke. The police came for me and spent me to the psy hospital. I was under 18 then so it was better a youth psychiatric hospital. I spent two weeks there the most you can spend unless you had a really bad problem. But I also had the worst psychotic episode of my life that set the basics for today. I discovered people were trying to get me out, there were angels, my teacher, my two friends Brian and Amy, and my dad who sneakily went around in people making me guess and then I was wrong and right etc, people commenting on my every move and thought, nurses not being who they were, one nurse not as they should in real life I once, looking back and forth at the nurses station making me feel like
as If they were helping me, or there were real people whatever that meant, and people in movies and radios etc. I was totally out of it at the hospital but I didn’t tell anyone for fear that if I told my symptoms would get worse , and plus I could handle it.
Two more school years had pass since my hospitalization. The other time I was hospitalized was for no reason just a argument with my mother. I just passed my time and got out of it. But school went on, and my life became weirder as the people I imagine were in other people. I once imagine them, kissing in front of me, in real people who were kissing!! That was really stupid and embarrassing. Even to today it is still like this. There are people in other people anywhere I go following me, and living with me day to day, etc.
