Schizophrenia Diaries » Paranoia

How do I tell my parents?

admin — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:42:07 +0000

I think I might have scitzophrenia, when i’m alone I hear voices that are muffled and there is no logical place where they could be coming from, I am also starting to think that people are out to get me. How do I tell my parents or anyone else what is happening it is slightly embarrising and I don’t know what people will say. Does anybody have any ideas or advice that could help me?

Personal struggle with Schizophrenia

admin — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:40:15 +0000

Hi, my name is Shyanne Powell I was born on september, 29 1990, when I was growing up my mom, grandpa, and I had tooken care and helped my granmother who suffered from schitzophrenia and other problems that were physical, I remember waking up every night to remind her to take off her oxegyn before she started smoking her ciggeretts, then in augest 4, 2004 we laid her to rest I was 13 going on 14.

After, I had started the eighth grade alot of things started to change both me and my so called friends but of course the whole time i was growing up i had no real friends who cared but that year is what kicked started everything after my grandmothers death it seemed like and felt like things had changed over night my sucidle thoughts had become worse and I had become paranoid about everything then, there was a night i whould never forget, i had gone over to a so called friends house me and her where thinking about starting a band so we desided to have a sleep over so i went over and once my mom left she asked me if i wanted to get high i said yes of course only because i was peer pressured, that night i went to sleep and was raped, after that it was nothing but halusanations and paranoia.

when i had tured 15 years old i had been idmitted for the first time, i was in and out of hospitles for 3 or 4 years my exsperiances at those places brought me more harm than good all i got was my thoughts and dreams washed away by telling me i whould not make it to graduate high school and i was indangered to be homeless then finally my finnal time in a hospital to one that i had been to seven or more times they had finnaly found the medacine that worked and its name is “clozerail” and once released i was put in a group home but the real test was when i had started school my senier year i had missed my other three years so i was pretty excited although it wasnt a normal school with sports or what not but it was pretty cool with the art classes i got into it but what made me irratated was when my case worker and team was trying to stop me from graduating on time which i did not listen i kept working then my voc rehab specialist tryed to convince my school princabule to have me stop
school for the rest of the year so i could get funding and graduate late , my princable did not go for it she thought it was crule so i continued my work and graduated high school on time with my class,

class of 2009

I always knew he was a bit ‘different’

admin — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:32:54 +0000

A couple of years ago, my older brother was a quiet, shy, not so confident guy. Whenever someone asked me about my brother, I could never quite describe him. I would usually say something along the lines of.. a really nice guy, quiet, smart & a gentle giant. Paul was the quiet angel of our family, whereas I was the moody, screaming teenager.
I don’t mean to talk about him in past tense, like he isn’t here. He well and truly is, at age 24, still living at home with our dad, after my mum made him move out.
In about late 2006, he was diagnosed with Disorganized typed Schizophrenia. A shock to my parents, but not so much to me, as I always knew he was a bit ‘different’.
It all started with him hanging out with a group of friends he was close with since primary school. They had a band and played on weekends, usually at one of their houses. There they drank and I’m assuming smoked a fair bit too from what my brother told me. I never thought my brother would try that stuff, after the way my mother brought us up. She was very disapproving of drugs, I suppose like most parents, and he wasn’t the type to go against what mum had to say, or let her down.
He started becoming very withdrawn from his friends, he was chatting with them on Facebook & Myspace quite a lot, but just stopped, and stopped communicating with them.
This is when it all started.
He started saying really strange things, like ” My friend is plotting things against me” and “Do you think I could take over the world with facebook”, and he would just come out with the strangest things. Mum & I would just get so angry with him because I suppose we didn’t get it.
He started to walk around the house alot. He would just do laps of the house, open every single door and turn the heater up, leave lights on etc. Very very annoying. He also started to have about 5-10 showers a day, all half hour ones too.
He would walk around in a beenie, gloves and jacket on hot days. I knew there was something unnatural going on in his brain to make him act like that, I knew he couldnt help it, but it was just so frustrating. Where did my big brother go?
He would also study maths every day, he said it was because he needed to keep his skills up which he learnt in his Diploma of Engineering. This is definetely a good thing I suppose.
I always thought he was excellent at Math, as he used to teach me. But after recently reading his school reports, he actually had quite low scores in Math. But ask him what 100 minus 23 is and jhe ust wouldnt know, but ask him a really long algebra equation and I bet he would know how to do it. Strange huh?
After about a year of this kind of stuff and seeing counsellors etc, he was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. Much to our relief, as I could better understand him, and know it was not his fault, but the illness itself.
Mum thought she understood. I know now that she just couldn’t deal with it anymore, so she asked him to move to my dads place, 5 minutes away. I guess it didn’t help that all of this started when mum had anothe rbaby with her partner or 6 years. She was trying to look after two kids at once I suppose. She still sees him once a week or so, but I wish she would care alot more and show him she loves him. I know she does, but I don’t know if he knows that.
So after two years or so, his condition has dramatically improved. He has finally got a job three days a week as a cleaner, something he knows well after working under my mums business. And he is also studying Literacy & Numeracy. I see him once every two weeks or so, but sometimes it can just be draining trying to make conversation and taking the lead in everything. I love my brother, but I just miss the way he used to be. He isn’t the same person anymore, he was my big brother, now I feel like his big sister.

Manifested Visions

admin — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:30:28 +0000

By writing these expierences to you I feel as if I can deal with it better. I’m 17 years old and since the age of 7 or so I have seen things and heard things on a regular basis. But the older I have become the more it seems to plague my thoughts, my dreams, even reality.

It started I believe when I heard a voice from the other side of the room. It was night time and the shadows and light from outside made the figure look tall and lancky. He was shadow standing there in the corner mombling to himself. When I would try to say something he would pull himself into the darkness until the he was silent. This would occur every so often. The odd part was he slowly manifested himself until he wasn’t a shadow but rather a person. He has no face but wears a suit. Sometimes I see him across the street, sometimes outside my house, and he usually liked to be in the corner of my room.
But that’s only one of many things. I have smoked cannabis and hoping it would help me, it backfired and now I’m worse then before. I can feel things in my body, hear people talking and shift into my morbid reality. I have wrote these things down in a journal.

It’s hard to say all of these accounts. Even hard to write them down. Please I hope you know im trying my best to say it.

My dreams are of fire and death, and when I wake up I can people I know through walls like a painting. Voices talking, saying things I don’t want to hear. It’s always quiet before the storm.

Questioning my own sanity

admin — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:22:49 +0000

firstly i would like to say schizophrenic illness are the sadest trying soul destoying personalitity destroying evil sadistic totally challenging and tests the person who ill and destroys everyone in there everyday life in the family home it takes you way beyond deppression and till u no longer feel human who can no longer understand the basic facts on anything.iam naw at the stage where iam questioningmy own sanity and whats right or wrong i can no longer cope iam over the edge.i know its a medical illness not there fault my boyfreind was born with it it was his genes.just the same as cancer,iwould truthally pick cancer out the 2?he is 49 years old and was sectioned at 15 as he was convinced his mother was trying to kill him through poisoning the cheese as he was obsesed with it and thats all he would eat for long periods of time ,he nevertold any body or wont ed to express any feelings that he thought abnormal he never showed any emotions or saw any in his brothers or sister ,he
came from a large family of 8.10 with mum and dad his dad was a full blown alcoholic with violent moodswings who constantlyplayed about from home, a goodlooking smart womaniserwho carryed on with who ever no respect or consideration for his wife or kids whom he beat upon in drunkon violent beating he mentaly and phsically abused them all on a daily basisa narsty controling monster who gave them nothing but he and his life style had what he wonted.Some days they would have to go down bins another peoples rubbish to eat or had to shoplift due to hunger.to survive they had no clothes that fit them properly nor bought for them my boyfreind who i will call mr x never had a pair of socks on his feet from the day he can remember till he was about 12?WHEN HE FIRST TOLD ME ABOUT HIS UP BRINGING i couldnt relate to there being any truth in any of it as to me thats not normal even though iamaware abuse does happen i couldnt relate to any dad doing that, my wasis wonderful the best in the
worldall ways has been allways will be.i wasvery upset and sad for him and broke down in tears,that must have been awful to grow up like that but mrx when iaskes him why he never ran away or him and his brothers never ganged up on him and made him leave or even told some one like the police or a school teacher he told me it was normal and thought that was like that in every home and that it was ok he never went hungry for longer that 3 days at any one time that was the only issue he kept talking about he couldnt understand why i was so upset by the thought of there suffering and horrible life,he never had xmas presants or clean cloths they had no electric coming in there home which he said was a form of shed there only means of warmth in winter was to burn the remains of so called furniture on a fire when it was all burnt he new there dad beat them all for doing it but he said they were so cold they didnt care at the time,at this stage he said he was about 7 and his mother was never
there and couldnt cope any more and she ran off leaving them all behind,they never went to school or had any friends or any body of there own age to play with everyone avoided the family they were called the mad deprived poor kids who were smelly and strange and not to be trusted around other familys or wonted as the older siblings left home asap one by one they went of on there own way leaving the poor youngest who were mrx and 1 younger brother, mrx went of at 10 and lived on the streets homeless and on his own for 6 years nearly you can imagion the horrific experiences he must of seen gone through and lived daily, i asked him to spare the details as i couldnt listen any more as i was totally and utterly in shock horrified and sickened as a mother myself i cant understand how this happens i felt so sorry for him ,and i was going to love him for ever and ever and create happy loving memories for him and allways be there for him .AS TIME WENT BY THE FIRST 6 MONTH TOGETHERi began
to see odd way s and strange things he would say and he could never have a normal conversation without confusing me to the point id forgot what the question was in the first place never could he give a direct answer, i suppose it due to never having been loved so he was intitlled to be a bit cold or insecure with trusting any one as he didnt know haw.acoupl

Delusional Disorder

admin — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:12:54 +0000

In March 2009 I was diagnosed with Delusional Disorder- a relatively new classification subsumed under the general classification of Paranoid Schizophrenia until the advent of DSMIII-r in 1987.

I am afflicted by delusions and hallucinations. I believe that some kind of a device or power opens up my thoughts to the public so that everyone can know what I’m thinking or feeling. This is particularly problematic in crowds, when everyone is staring at me and whispering about me. Frustratingly, while the crowd all know what I’m thinking, I have no idea what they are thinking or saying.

I hear strange voices, especially in crowds, directing derogatory expletives at me.

I am also bothered by the appearance of shadowy bugs crawling all over my walls. But when I jump after them to squash them they are always gone, or they were never there to begin with.

Bizarre and obnoxious odors plague me often. One smell I can best describe as the stench of an old man’s dirty dentures. Another is like burning rat excrement. Another is a sweet chemical smell.

Some times there is a very frightening sound in my house. When my family is not home I hear what sounds like soldiers marching in the upper story. When I go up to investigate I can never find them.

All of this came upon me gradually from early adulthood. It all escaped diagnosis until I was 52 years old. I had always just thought I was different and strange. I have never liked crowds. I have never had close friends. I crave silence and isolation. I pretty much stay in my home and listen to music, which masks and covers the voices and sounds. I am on Risperidone. citalopram, and bupropion. These medications have helped significantly, but not cured the problem.

“Mom! why are you sending me messages?!”

admin — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:08:13 +0000

“Mom! why are you sending me messages?!”

my schizophrenic mother

admin — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:06:30 +0000

I am 22 year old and I have 2 married sisters and one single bro .I’m the youngest among siblings and all of them are living abroad.

My Mom is schizophrenic since even before the birth of my eldest sis who is now 34 year old. I don’t know how it all happened tht Mum got schizophrenic after she got married. I could never ask my dad and my sis neither ever told me how mum came into this disease.(Maybe she herself doesn’t know)

She takes medicines to cure the disease and these medicines she has been taking for almost about 15 years.These medicines I give her in the morning and before going to bed and she doesn’t know that am giving her these medicines. She is diabetic and hypertensed too and when I give her the medicines advised by the psychiatrist so long ago , I tell her that these are for diabetes and hypertension. If I ever told her that these were given by a psychiatrist then she would never take them.After taking these medicines she sometimes does feel normal for a few hours but then again soon starts shouting and screaming .In the begining she was taken by her parents to doc to get shocks which did help but mum didn’t agree to continue havin those shocks. Even now whenever I tried to take her to a psychiatrist she refuses to go. Even if she agrees to go yet she doesn’t take any shots or medicines they advise. All this has made my life terrible. I have no confidence to face people as mum acts so weird
before people . She yells all the time at home and dad also gets disturbed with it . she gets hallucinations as in she talks to someone while looking at walls or somewhere in the air. i can’t invite my friends at my place , I can’t talk to anyone so regularly on phone because her shouts are echoing all the time in the house. I have to spend most of my time with mom, no other activities , no fun.The building we live in has another family too whom i can’t meet or befriend with because they’re gonna ask me why ur mum acts so weird, because people here laugh at someone acting like this rather than helping. It’s so embarrassing for me when mum screams at the unseen character and the other family does notice it am sure.

Even when mum watches TV dramas, she associates all the stories to herself. For example if she sees a girl being murdered in a drama then she’ll assume tht this girl is she herself and then would worry that the unseen character is gonna kill her.

There is a lot , a lot, a lot to say. And I never share this thing with anyone. Don’t even have close friends cuz then they’re gonna ask me to let them visit me which is not possible because mum would keep yelling , how’m i gonna stop her shouting.

I think I have to live with it.

always_worried@yahoo.com

Don’t call me crazy – from my book

admin — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:03:40 +0000

This is a short chapter from my book Don’t Call Me Crazy! I’m Just in Love

CHAPTER 11
Relapse

The next day Anika returns to Mosi‚s apartment from work;
Mosi and Ms. Sultan are out at dinner. She walks in and drops her
purse and keys down on his furniture and picks up a letter from
his apartment manager and reads out loud. „We will be checking
all apartments consistently. Also everyone‚s guest is required to
provide ID before entering this apartment complex. Also we
have been getting a lot of complaints about loud music; music is
not to be played after 10:00 p.m.‰
„These people are going to be checking this apartment. For
what are they out of their minds,‰ Anika mumbles. Paranoia
strikes Anika‚s fatigued mind causing her eyes to widen and
appear glued to her face. She feels like she‚s going to lose her mind
again.
„They‚re coming in to check this apartment. I bet the security
guards have cameras up in here.‰ She walks in the bathroom and
stares into the small holes in Mosi‚s wall left by removed paintings
and covers up the holes with toilet tissue.
„Those nosy security guards are not gonna see me while I‚m in
here. I need privacy. Those perverted security guards.‰ After she
uses the bathroom she removes the toilet tissue from the holes in
the wall.
111
DON‚T CALL ME CRAZY
„I need to rest. I have not slept well in two days.‰ She drives to
the nearest store and purchases a bottle of wine. The cashier is a
teenager and she sees a man pass by who is dressed in female
garments. The cashier looks up at Anika with a smile of instigation.
„Did you see her? Is that a man or a woman? I think it‚s a man
dressed up as a woman. He is a transvestite,‰ the cashier says as
she laughs.
„I don‚t know; I try not to judge people,‰ Anika says. The
cashier and the bagger look at each other and they burst out with
unrestrained laughter. „Your total is $5.15, thank you for
shopping with us,‰ the cashier says. Anika hands the cashier six
dollars and receives change back.
„Thank you,‰ Anika says politely.
Anika then returns to Mosi‚s house. She begins to pour herself
some wine to help her sleep when she hears a knock at the door.
It‚s Mosi‚s neighbor.
„You need to turn down your music. It‚s too loud,‰ the
neighbor says.
„Mind your own business; it‚s not even ten o‚clock yet.‰ Anika
then rushes over to the radio and turns it up louder. She then runs
to the peephole to see if the neighbor is still there. She sees the
neighbor as she storms downstairs. She then runs and looks into
the mirror at her reflection and begins laughing. „I gotcha.‰
Facing the mirror she begins dancing. She spins around and
jumps up all while laughing. She places a white glove over her
right hand and crosses her hands behind her back as if she‚s going
to jail. She begins to whisper. „They better not lock him up. All
that he has done for us.‰ She then runs over to the closet. She
throws Mosi‚s dirty and clean close everywhere to find her
pajamas. She puts them on. She runs through the house in an
infinity sign while tugging at the sewn-in weave in her permed
hair.
SWIYYAH NADIRAH MUHAMMAD
112
„I want this out, I want this out, I wanna be myself, let me be
myself.‰ She begins to cry and with hands clutched to her face she
drops down on to the couch and begins clicking her heels. She
pulls her trembling knees towards her chest in an effort to stop
the uncontrollable shakes.
„I want to be myself.‰ She runs towards the mirror again as if
she‚s going to run right into it. She then walks backwards, turns,
and runs towards the mirror again. She turns her music up even
louder. „I need to rest, I need to rest.‰ Anika walks into her
kitchen and takes two sleeping pills. She lays down for an hour
tossing and turning, holding her head trying to shut out her racing
thoughts. She whispers and begins to ramble.
„Atoms are neither created nor destroyed. There was always an
existence. You have to take baby steps to understand how this
existence works, where we came from, how it started. Don‚t jump
from a to z. No, you must go from a to c, take a break. It has been
painted. First there was nothing; it was blackness, pitch blackness.
There was first the black hole. A plumber can understand the black
hole. There was a white light. The creator is positive energy. We all
have a little bit of positive energy. A person of positivity can change
your life without saying a word. We try to increase positive energy
which is the same as increasing spiritually. Once we are of that same
positivity as the creator, we become one with him. Only a few souls
have reached this seventh level of existence. The rest of us are
growing spiritually so we can reach that level. Positive times
positive equals positive. Negative times positive equals negative.
Therefore, if you have any negativity in you, you cannot become
one with positivity. The creator is all positive energy. Negative
times negative equals positive. If you learn from loads of negativity
you will learn from your mistakes and become all positive. It‚s
mathematics. Everything stems from mathematics. Less than a cup
of wine is what I need to rest. Don‚t want to scare away this
DON‚T CALL ME CRAZY
113
beautiful spirit controlling my thoughts.‰ While holding the sides
of her head trying to rid her racing thoughts, she runs into the
kitchen and pours herself a cup of wine.
„Don‚t want to cause a bad interaction, two sleeping pills, a
cup of wine.‰ She begins pacing back and forth while massaging
her hair. She feels sick so she runs to her kitchen and drinks a
bottle of water.
„Must keep drinking, keep drinking, bad reaction from pills
and wine, must keep drinking water.‰ She finishes her bottle of
water and then grabs another.
„Must keep drinking.‰ She continues to pace back and forth.
As she sits, her knees began to flutter in a motion of panic. She
feels she is going to fly away like an angel. Her legs are numb and
they feel as if they are going to lift off the ground. Her stomach
then fills up with nausea. She runs to the bathroom and then
throws up.
She stares at her reflection in the bathroom mirror.
„I‚m not dead. I‚m not dead. I‚m alive but if I‚m alive why is
there no one around? Am I a ghost; have I really died. Is this what
it is like to die and become a ghost? Is this black shadow that I‚m
seeing in the right corner of my eye from the dark side? Am I
going to hell? I need to call someone but who? I don‚t want no
one to think I‚m crazy; who can I call.‰
Anika remembers that she still has the prescription for abilify
that her doctor wrote a year and a half ago. She runs into Mosi‚s
room, knocks her papers off the top of the closet and searches for
her prescription. She finds it and races towards her car for the
nearest pharmacy. As Anika is driving, she sees five police cars,
one following the other, all painted creamy white with the green
strip of intimidation removed. She is so scared to admit she has a
problem but she has to build up the strength to ask for help. She
calls her mother on the way to the pharmacy.
SWIYYAH NADIRAH MUHAMMAD
114
„Mom, I‚m having racing thoughts. I feel like I‚m going to
have a nervous breakdown,‰ Anika says.
„You know you can always call me. I won‚t judge you,‰ Ms.
Muhammad says.
„Please come by the pharmacy near Mosi‚s apartment, that‚s
where I‚ll be.‰ Anika finally pulls up to the pharmacy and rushes
over to the pharmacy tech who is wearing an all white jacket. She
hands him her prescription, he looks at the prescription and then
looks at her with a judgmental look on his face as if he‚s staring
into the eyes of a lunatic.
„This prescription is expired. Is this the only prescription that
you have?‰ the pharmacy tech asks.
„Yes,‰ Anika replies.
The pharmacist sees she‚s in distress and walks out of the
pharmacy and holds her hand. Tears rush from her scarlet red
eyes.
„I‚ve had a cup of wine and I‚m afraid if I take medication the
medication will cause a bad interaction,‰ Anika says.
„Do you have a current prescription? When was the last time
you saw a doctor?‰ the pharmacist asks.
„A while ago,‰ Anika says.
Ms. Muhammad then pulls up, crying tears of pain.
„Does she have a current prescription?‰ the pharmacist asks.
„No, I don‚t believe she does. It‚s been a while since she has
seen a psychiatrist,‰ Ms. Muhammad says.
„Why didn‚t you continue seeing your psychiatrist? This
means you have not been taking your medication,‰ Ms.
Muhammad says.
„I didn‚t want to feel or admit that I am crazy. Only crazy
people take medication. I tried the medication for a few days and
then stopped. Admitting I have a problem is the hardest thing for
me,‰ Anika says.
DON‚T CALL ME CRAZY
115
„You‚re not crazy; a lot of my customers come in for psychotic
medications. You are just mentally exhausted. You‚re a beautiful
woman. You‚re not crazy. It‚s best to take medication so you can
be yourself. No one is going to judge you. There‚s nothing wrong
with taking medication. A lot of people have to take medication
for the rest of their lives. People with high blood pressure,
diabetics, a lot of people. Take your medication and you can feel
normal again. Your daughter has been drinking wine so she
cannot take medication at this time. Take her to the nearest
emergency room and be sure they know of this,‰ the pharmacist
says.

Things started to go wrong on Saturday the 13th of June

admin — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:01:39 +0000

Things started to go wrong on Saturday the 13th of June. I had worked the Friday and every Monday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday since I returned from my 3 month vacation in Europe in the August of last year.
However, this Saturday was different. I started to get a headache around 16:30 thinking it was diet related since I hadn’t eaten since breakfast (Another bad habit). I was craving a nice meal, but since the cook (my mum) had the day off, toast was on the menu.
I waited for my break at 17:30 but became nauseous. Suddenly these voices appeared shouting in the back of my head “They’re coming to get you” and “They are after you”.
At this stage I had no visual hallucinations and I was lucid enough to recognise I could no longer fulfill my working duties in a responsible capacity.
Promptly I spoke to the Nurse-In-Charge; Mary and voiced my concerns that I should go home since “I had just had an epileptic seizure”. Only my Nurse-Unit-Manager knows of my condition and as it was the week-end she was not around. Neither was my colleague, another Nurse-In-Charge who I had confided in. I chose to keep my disorder a bit on the quiet side as I had encountered discrimination from my previous job making working conditions stressful and unbearable.
After speaking to my Mum about my hallucinations at work, we decided that I drive home as I only live 10 minutes away. Terrified, I drove slowly and got home to a frantic mother who wanted to call the Crisis Intervention or CAT team. Stupidly, I took extra Largactil (Chlorpromazine) 200mg which my Psychiatrist had advised me to use under my discression. Fortunately I fell asleep until 04:00 the following morning aggitated and still hallucinating of which many cigarettes and cups of coffee (other bad habits), did nothing for. Clearly I was psychotic.
It wasn’t until the evening that the visual hallucinations started. Hearing repetativly and loud “They’re coming to get you”, “They will kill you”, and “They are after you”, I also had to contend with seeing dark shadows roaming around my room with knives weaving in and out of my doors and windows and around my bed. I was glad when mum offered to sleep with me to try and calm me. I was even more happier when I spoke to my Psychiatrist who felt that the 500mg of Largactil (Chlorpromazine) in addition to my other medication would have some relief on this terrifying nightmare I was experiencing. Whilst my psychiatrst could not admit me that night due to bed capacity, I was admitted the following day. Still hallucinating as severely as the previous night, the nursing staff decided to put me into high dependancy where I would not be in any danger to anyone including myself.
The next couple of days in hospital are a blur. I was so doped up on 300mg Chlorpromazine, 1400mg Quetiapine (Seroquel), 4000mg Sodium Valporate (Epilim), and 40mg Paroxetine that I slept most of the day. I only ventured out to have cigarettes and dinner. The paranoia was still high as I sat alone for dinner thinking everyone was talking about me or plotting to attack and even kill me. I took no action on these thoughts due to my limited but present insight.
Each day I saw my Psychiatrist and expressed my difficulties. By day 4 we decided to change anti-psychotics as I was on the maximum dose of the Quetiapine (Seroquel).
I was devistated. This was going to be the 7th anti-psychotic I had changed to. Whilst the Chlorpromazine works well as a supplement, the high doses I would required would cause the side-effects to be totally debilitating. I had no choice.
My Psychiatrist felt it best that we change the Quetiapine (Seroquel) for Ziprasidone (Zeldox) in one hit rather than weaning and stop/starting dosages. So, I stopped the Quetiapine (Seroquel) straight away and went straight onto the maximum dose of Ziprasidone (Zeldox) which is 160mg which I now take all at night although it recommends you split the dose.
Within 3 days I was feeling my old self again. I had day leave with my Mum and went and saw the Salvador Dali exhibition. The following day I went home.
All was going well until the hallucinations began to reappear in the evenings. Mum was at work and my Nanna has no idea of what is wrong with me so we argue.
Around 4pm every evening since being home my auditory hallucinations flare up again and I am always up and about between 04:00 and 06:00 much to my mother’s disgust.
Hearing repetativly and loud “They’re coming to get you”, “They will kill you”, and “They are after you” I cannot go out anywhere unaccompanied. I cannot drive my car. And I am even scared to walk my dog as I am frightened to leave the house.
These symptoms have all but gone now since seeing my Psychiatrist again last Thursday. She added an extra 40mg of Ziprasidone (Zeldox) to take at 16:00 to stop the hallucinations and started me on som Clonazepam to help with the anxiety and insomnia. Yesterday and today have been the quietest days in a very long time.