I have a sister who seems to be very paranoid, she does go out in public, but when we are out she doesn’t trust anyone, she talks negative and she over protective. She really makes me nervous. People we’ve known for a long time she doesn’t trust, she tells me to hold my purse tightly, and not to talk to this person or that person. She’s weird…I know she use to talk about this person and that person is a rapist as a young girl always very weary about people. Is my sister a paranoiz schizophrenic? She likes to hear bad things about people, and create her own stories about others. You can start telling her something and she will make up the ending to be really bad. I’m so concerned.
Posts Tagged ‘voices’
I new something was wrong when the voice I was talking to for about two weeks straight turned on me. At the time I thought I had super powers of some sort and could talk to a girl that I liked without even saying a word. It was strange and I had planed on not telling anyone about these powers I spoke to two girls that came to me as a voice. They told me everything about them selves and I told them things about me. Till one day the voices told me that in order to become a psychic I would have to sell my soul. Of course this spooked me out because i’m a Christian. The voice went from a whisper to loud. Now I stay on the third floor and I heard the voices from downstairs in the yard. They chanted demonic things like sale your soul sale your soul at me and I sat there for hours listening to what I thought was demons. Even to this day I feel there a witch that follows me around waiting for me to sell my soul. Now tell me if this isn’t creepy reader. The voice I hear is the voice of a girl that lives on the first floor. I had a crush on her and the moment I first saw her I said TO MYSEELF and I quote” I would stop taking baths and drinking water to get with that girl” I know it sounds dumb but I said it and laughed to myself. That night is the first night I heard her voice and to this day she narrates every thought I have. I believe God tested me to see if lust would drive me to hell. I’ll be haunted by that voice from now on.
My sister suffers from schizophrenia for 14 years now. It all started when she was in her high school. Suddenly i noticed that she is going lonely, depressed and sad, always thinking something. she stopped playing with me. She did not tell anyone, not to our parents either, about what she is really experiencing. All that she was telling with my father was she was scared. I did not know, what was scaring her. But she was going down in her academics too. she used to be one of the brilliant students, always topped in her class till then, but now she got lesser marks. But we can see her studying more hard. Later, one day she asked my father(a physician) to take her to a psychiatrist(my father’s friend). And my siter was taken to NIMHANS which is very famous for psychiatric treatment and where my father’s friend worked in. She got some medicines to take for a temporary period. After coming back, she looked lot more rlieved and i thought she is out of her problem. Though i didnt know that time about her sickness, or whats her problem was.
But later in time, we happened to lose our mom. My mom comitted suicide for she had some problem in life and she was in depression too. This i came to know very late. This had a devastating effect on all of us. My sister was suffering with her illness, she had become inactive and witdrawn. Not mingling with people, not talking much wiht people, not even with us. Then she was juggling with her studies, medicines and all other things in the family. She was worried about me and my brother as we were younger than her. She used to say she heard voices og neighbours. She was hearing them talking bad about us. She heard them speaking bad words and that they wouls harm us. In retaliation she started having qurrels with our neighbours and it was difficult for me and my brother to step outside of our home, as our neighbours were looking at us suspiciously in a wierd manner.
My sister’s wild behaviour was increasing and she was torturing my father very much. I stayed in a hostel in bangalore while my family stayed in Tumkur. I used to visit them on weekends. Just two days in a week i used to go there, but was unable to stand my sister’s acts. She was like doing everything that comes on her mind, however strange that may be. I was suggesting my father to admit her to a hospital. But it was difficult to convince her to come to the hospital. She was shouting and behaving like a wild animal. Somehow my father convinced her and came to Bangalore to admit her.
Here, one other person should stay with the patient to take care of their treatment. I was the only one available as all other relatives were in Tumkur. I hated to stay there, but still entered the hospital. My sister was shouting and behaving very wildliy that time. The Hospital staff had to sedate her initially and she slept. And the next few days were like hell to me as i had started hating her for her behaviour. She also hated me and she was ready to hurt me if she gets a chance. She thought i was the one who made her get admitted in the hospital. After 2 weeks, it was very difficult for me to stay there, i could not withstand that vry environment. My sister calmed down there just because she was not allowed to go anywhere and was forced to take medicines on time. She wanted to go out of the hospital. So she started responding to all the doctors in a positive way and she was discharged. I went back to my PG and i was still scared to vivit my home.
But after this, my sister has managed to control herself amidst all those voices she hears. She has come out of her depression too and she passed her graduation as well. Now she is working somewhere in bangalore. She got married too. All that i can do now is to hope for the best and pray that it never relapses.
In my teenage years and early 20’s I used drugs quite frequently. Then I was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia in 2004. For the first four years, It was absolutely terrifying. The Voices were the worst part, praising me one minute then degrading me the next. Then the ideas of reference. I couldn’t read a book, or watch TV, or listen to music without hearing some message specifically meant for me. Every conceivable situation resulted in me being set up for murder, or killed, or at the centre of some vast conspiracy, or the subject of some bizarre experiment. I lived in total fear. There just seemed to be no escape from this paranoid World. I still used Cannabis and was in denial about my illness until 2007. Now, in 2009, things are better. I have stabilised on risperdal, the voices are distant and mostly inaudible, and sometimes I can even indulge in Media without being too affected. I don’t take any drugs other than the prescribed ones. I turned 30 last year, I was 24 when I was
diagnosed, and feel I have lost some years to this illness. But I have started back at university, and live on my own in the city on a pension. It is still hard to hold down a job. But I feel that a year or two ago I reached a turning point, where I could continue to live in fear or be brave and see through the delusions, see the reality that was mine to make. I use cognitive exercises, the medication, vitamins ( I have still yet to try Zophitin and liquid white mono-atomic gold powder, though I still might one day) prayer mantras, and when the voices start to crowd around, I concentrate as hard as I can on external sounds, even the hum of a refrigerator if I have to. With me, when I do this, the voices tend to fade away. I have plans for the future, and a full recovery from schizophrenia is part of those plans, though I would never have thought that in the beginning, when I was too full of despair over what I considered the ruination of my life. Positive thinking is a must. I look
forward to a future of happiness and security, despite having one of the most debilitating mental illness that can be had. I have also been blessed with a very supportive family. The darkest hour is passed. My person applauds my joyous comeback, and my full recovery, I am sure, is only a short time away. The Upward Spiral has begun.
I was diagnosed officially when I was 19 years old. For many years I had suspected…something…I come from a family of mental illness so I knew it was there possibly. When I was younger, round 8 or 9, teachers in my school suspected something was askew. I seen therapist and doctors because of this suspicion but something inside me told me to, “put the mask on” to say. I almost always had this other side that guided me through a lot of things…at first I thought it was just really good instincts.
Over the years I had began to identify certain aspects of my disorder. I learned to identify the sounds, and hallucinations I had. I never have been medicated nor do I want to be. I think that if I medicate myself I will lose a part of my own self control…even though it seems to me I am trying to control that which cannot be controlled. The sounds I hear are usually one word commands or short phrases, and most the time they are being screamed at me. At night, before I try to sleep, they tend to be worse. Usually I hear voices yelling, “NO!” or “STOP!” or I will hear someone yelling for me or a familiar voice it seems saying something to me but I never can make it out. When I try to sleep I hear this whispering sound, like a room full of people, sometimes seeming like 20-30 voices all whispering, and I can never make it out, other than a couple of words here and there. This makes it almost impossible for me to sleep, and sometimes I go days without sleeping. I am
currently advised to see a doctor because my blood pressure is so high because my body does not sleep. Not only that my appearance has changed from lack of sleep, my eyes always give me away.
I see things, but they are almost always quick and sudden. I see something in front me and when it registers in my head of what I saw, when I turn to look again, it’s gone. Sometimes I see things though that don’t go away so easily. I was once in Tampa, and I was at a party that I was dragged to and this neighborhood was backed next to a swamp. I had decided to take a walk out by the swamp just to get away from the people mainly because they were not the kind of people I wanted to even try to associate with. I was standing next to this small pond, it was dark, and very little light, but I could see pretty well. I stood looking at the water, and then I noticed a face in the water, looking at me. Then I noticed another one, and another one. Then about 10 or so faces were slowly rising out of the water and coming towards me. I was gripped with fear to be honest, and I do not fear many things. I began to notice these faces were not alive. They had frozen eyes staring at
me, and their faces were drawn tight. Their skin was decayed and I began to notice a smell in the air. They rose their heads only about half way out of the water and stared at me. I began to back away and then they went back under very slowly. I took a few moments to calm myself down and collect what I had seen. I later went home and realized I was hallucinating in a very bad way.
Many times I fight with a voice in my head that tells me stupid shit. I get this overwhelming urge to act on what is being thought or said and it’s like I am there for a ride that I can not control. Most the time this voice leads me in a right direction, but sometimes when I get to the point of no going back and that voice has lead me to look, or say, or do something completely fucking stupid, it’s like that voice just bails on me and I am left there confused and stunned trying to figure out a way to back out of what I did, or said. In this I am I think of myself as never truly alone…even though I am…no relationship has ever worked positive for me. My friends have bailed on me, or I have pushed them away. I am truly alone, but its like when I am sitting at home, in the dark, all alone…I feel a hand on my shoulder and sometimes if I look to see the person who is there, I get a quick glimpse of a familiar face that almost looks like me, but it’s not…the eyes are
different and the face is weathered…it’s not me, but I feel connected…then it’s gone.
